tongue and bush...dogs

I can’t really deny the allure of the Bush Dog. Their common name is completely trashy, they look pretty trashy and the babies are also quite trashy, but in that adorable way that your cousin’s illegitimate mixed-race infant is trashy. He can’t help that he’s only got on a faded toddler-sized vintage Mossimo tee and a diaper. Ya know? No? Ok. Just check out this article about Bush Dogs.

image courtesy of eastofla.com

The Sleigh Bells show at The End Sunday night (with openers Nerve City and PoPo) was a sweaty, rainy, and smelly affair. However, the highlights of the evening more than made up for the fact that I peed on what might have been someone’s kidney in the broken toilet by candlelight (the lights in the bathroom, also broken) and at one point I got so claustrophobic I almost stood on the side of the stage (No, that was not a good idea, Ryan Bruce, and yes, that stage manager does seem mad).

Richmond, VA’s Nerve City were the first duo of the evening. Technically, “they” started as the home recordings of ex-Poison The Well guitarist Jason Boyer, but last night a drummer that looked like Hollywood producer Brian Grazer joined him on stage. Jason’s raspy howl and Wolfman Jack laughter were the perfect aural pairing to the olfactory assault I encountered that night. The End smelled of wet dog, dirty ponytail and, mysteriously, McDonald’s hamburger. So, conjuring up the sounds of dirty,garage-rock heroes from yesteryear, like The Troggs, was appropriate.

Next up was PoPo, a pair of brothers recently signed to Diplo’s Mad Decent label who immediately seemed to cool everything down with their irreverent stage banter, yin-yang-peace-sign-printed merch and references to Nashville’s racial profiling (they’re of Pakistani origin and spent the day at a rifle range — hilarity ensued?). PoPo will undoubtedly generate buzz in March when they head to SXSW if they haven’t blown up by then. The brothers’ charisma and the fact that lead singer Zeb Malik sounds like if Squeeze’s Glen Tillbrook grew up watching Bollywood films with his mother will certainly do them many favors.

Sleigh Bells took over promptly around 11pm, bounding onto the stage in a hail of seizure-inducing strobe lights and throbbing beats. What followed was hit-after-hit from their debut album Treats. The sold-out venue was filled with folks clearly familiar with every lyric. Singer Alexis Krauss lead the hypnotized, musty crowd in sing-a-longs to tracks “Crown on the Ground” and “A/B Machines”, but it was the kinetic energy of “Kids” (my personal, new pump-up jam) that had every mouth mouthing and transformed stoics on the verge of heat stroke into rowdy noise-pop disciples. In fact, right before the encore they were joined on stage by the Lipscomb equivalent of Jodie Foster’s “Nell”, who gyrated frantically and tried to take over the mic before leaping off the stage. Basically, their entire set was the closest I’ll ever get to attending a church revival held at M.I.A.’s twitter background during the apocalypse.

Carla and Crazy Cameroon Lady

France’s first lady Carla Bruni met with more than a dozen of Africa’s first ladies this week. Huffington Post has a slideshow that was placed in the *style* area of the site. I’m sure more was going on than just a bunch of women wearing outfits, but I really could care less. What I’m into is seeing how women handle standing next to Carla Bruni a.), the outfits a bunch of women are wearing b.) and c.), there is no “c”, only outfits. Enjoy the slideshow!

Sentencing testimony for dentist’s no contest sex plea turns salacious

I think you might be able to guess what this dude picked…

The shaky-grabby Dr. Sperry pleaded ‘no contest’, but not everyone is so sure. Fav line from the article: “Maresca also has tried to show Sperry is a malingerer, somone who is faking it.”

Thank you, article, for the vocabulary lesson featuring an uncommonly misspelled word!

courtesy of naplesnews.com

I really like those three words. Also, I want one (or two). Thanks, Zooborns!

Steve Buscemi: I don’t know what it is, but he seems smart, he’s very funny, and he can definitely nab your heart as the hopeless yet loveable loser.

Matt Berry: He’s British, he’s so funny that I sort of want to be him and, at the end of the day, I’d so go with him wherever and do whatever and maybe even not feel that bad about it.

Matt Bush: So, this kid is in a bunch of cell phone commercials and I used to get slightly made fun of for cheesily fawning over him. He’s totally 80s buddy comedy level attractive. He’s got to find a time machine and audition for the role of Stiles in ‘Teen Wolf’, seriously. Anyway, much to my surprise he played a jackass in ‘Adventureland’ which is set in the 80s and have I ever mentioned that I think I’d make a really good casting director? I have. Anyway, he’s like 15 years old, or at least he looks 15 and his voice shouldn’t make my panties want to fall off. Look at that haircut! What is wrong with me? I want it. I want it real bad. Awwoooooo! *surfs on roof of van*

Malcolm McDowell: So, I went ahead and found a picture that features young Malcom as well as current, elderly Malcolm. I want to stress though that as a young guy, he’s pretty cute — sure. Also, he’s most famous for playing assorted hellions, hedonists and rapists. But, I want to make it clear that I’d so actually do old Malcolm. He was a Star Trek villian. In fact, he killed Kirk. He’s British and there’s just this certainly level of eye-fuckery about him that makes you think, “Man, that old dude is kind of worth boning.” Engage!

Groucho Marx: I don’t even know if this is strange and then it worries me that I’m not sure if this is strange. I genuinely have lamented my station in life and would love to go back in time and carouse with Groucho and Charlie and then go home to my baby Buster. I like to laugh and I like grease paint facial hair!

Fred Ward: This isn’t even a stretch. This guy’s filmography alone puts me in the bone zone, but I implore you — if you haven’t seen ‘Henry & June’ netflix that shit and shut your door. If you have seen ‘Henry & June’ then you can never just see him as the dude in ‘Tremors’ again…

Woodrow Wilson: Ok, this is a leftover from my very early youth and that makes it even weirder. I think I just thought he looked kind of like an asshole and I guess I’ve always liked that. Also, look at that penmenship! That’s the handwriting of a man that knows how to please a woman! Take me now, you 28th president of the United States, you!

Klaus Nomi: Gay? Check. Crazy falsetto singing voice? Check. Gigantic, pointy tuxedo? Check. Strangely hot? You betcha!

PS: The documentary about him called ‘The Nomi Song’ is pretty amazing.

Anthony Bourdain: He drinks, he used to do drugs, he travels the world for money, he’s a writer, he’s a chef, and he’s a total, vulgar asshole. I love it. I would let him berate me as we ate raw baby seal in an Inuit village anyday!

I always get cheese enchiladas, a cripsy beef taco, rice and beans as the litmus test for a trashy, delicious and cheap good time. I will branch out if they can get those cliche, gringo-beloved dishes right and they did! They actually put spices in the meat! So many restaurants here in this pee pee soaked heck hole think that boiling hamburger meat and putting it in a store-bought taco shell will suffice. No, Las Palmas and La Hacienda, it will not.

I realize that this meal is cliche and for bloated white people, but you don’t go to a place called Las Maracas on White Bridge Road to have some authentic experience. You go there to drink cheap Margaritas before a minor league baseball game or after a spirited jaunt to Target or to obtain much-needed hangover food, but even hungover I know the difference between American cheese rolled up in a piece of corn pone and real, melted Mexican cheese melted in a corn tortilla.

Also, Hormel Taco Sauce should not be in your Mexican restaurant. If you have to add water to make gravy, then it’s not enchilada sauce, it’s Alpo and I’m contacting the CDC and WHO and Padme Lakshmi whoever else cares about your  crimes against taste buds!

Oh, and mashing up an avocado and squirting a lemon on it is not guacamole. Thank you.

Is that it? In short, Las Maracas was pretty cute and totally satisfied my craving for tasty, affordable “Mexican” fare.

I kid. I kid. It was PCP.

…..

Or, the drug I like to refer to aaaaas adorable animal videos. Do you like animals? Do you like baby animals? Do you like baby animals that are curious? Do you like grown up animals that like boxes and being adorable? Cool. Enjoy this shit:

Big Box and Maru

My Most Glorious Fantasy Realized

If My Favorite Animal Somehow Moved Into a Trailer House

HOW HOUSTON REHEARSED ITS WORST EVER PROBLEM