Also

I’d like to tell everyone that my incredibly snobbish taste in cheap Mexican food was satisfied tonight by going to Las Maracas off of White Bridge Rd.

I always get cheese enchiladas, a cripsy beef taco, rice and beans as the litmus test for a trashy, delicious and cheap good time. I will branch out if they can get those cliche, gringo-beloved dishes right and they did! They actually put spices in the meat! So many restaurants here in this pee pee soaked heck hole think that boiling hamburger meat and putting it in a store-bought taco shell will suffice. No, Las Palmas and La Hacienda, it will not.

I realize that this meal is cliche and for bloated white people, but you don’t go to a place called Las Maracas on White Bridge Road to have some authentic experience. You go there to drink cheap Margaritas before a minor league baseball game or after a spirited jaunt to Target or to obtain much-needed hangover food, but even hungover I know the difference between American cheese rolled up in a piece of corn pone and real, melted Mexican cheese melted in a corn tortilla.

Also, Hormel Taco Sauce should not be in your Mexican restaurant. If you have to add water to make gravy, then it’s not enchilada sauce, it’s Alpo and I’m contacting the CDC and WHO and Padme Lakshmi whoever else cares about your  crimes against taste buds!

Oh, and mashing up an avocado and squirting a lemon on it is not guacamole. Thank you.

Is that it? In short, Las Maracas was pretty cute and totally satisfied my craving for tasty, affordable “Mexican” fare.

MASTER CLEANSE!

I’ve decided to do it. Monday. Me. Pooping a lot? Maybe. Probably. Awesome.

Bikini season? Most def.

Paul Rudd on Sesame Street

Thanks, Michael!

Enjoy, Paul Rudd as The Earth! : )

The. End.

The Smoking Gun never lets you down

For more mugshotty goodness, click here. Have a safe and jail-free weekend, everyone! (who am I kidding? nobody is reading this thing…*takes swig of Jim Beam*)

Tiniest Dog

Oh, Daily Mail, you are truly the leaders in bringing cuteness to the masses. To be quite honest, this little dog kind of grosses me out. It’s cute and all, but there’s just something unsettling about a canine in a teacup. I want to punch it. Either way, I needed something to blog about and I can’t find the article I wanted to post. Anywho, here’s the entire article about Tom Thumb *eye roll*…really inspired. I would have called him Cap’n Tiny Paws or Cuppy.

Sunbeam Laserbeam

Not too long ago, I was trying think back to the time in my life when I felt *in shape*. It could, arguably, be a few years ago when I subsisted on Sugar-free Red Bull and Sweet-Tarts because I was slaving away in the brain-numbing void that is retail management. That was more nutritional depravation than *in shape*, though.

Then, I thought back a little more and a little more and finally ended up thinking about the time that my brother threw my hula hoop into the 10 ft, boggy slough of a ditch in front of my childhood home. I cried. I just had to look down at my hula hoop undulating in the tepid, flow of the poo water beneath me and cry and cry. Now, though, I laugh. Oh, how I laugh! *takes moment to laugh*

The lovely babes from Sunbeam/Laserbeam have delivered and I now can get revenge on my brother by having toned abs. Laughter is also a fantastic core workout.

So, please scan the selections or even request a custom hoop. It’s never too late to get back into the swing (or swivel) of your girlish youth!

sugar bush squirrel

www.sugarbushsquirrel.com — there is really nothing that can be said to describe this website.  It must be experienced.  I will say that I can’t tell which incarnation of this squirrel I love most:  The tribute to Jon Benet Ramsey or Sugar Bush Squirrel googling Kim Jong Il.  Man, I love the internet with all my heart.

i can die happy…

When I saw the headline “Dutch House Cat Adopts Rejected Red Panda”, I will admit that my jaw dropped and I think I may have gone temporarily blind in preparation for the cute feast that my eyes were about to consume.

Sadly, the accompanying photos aren’t nearly as adorable as the concept and story itself, but satisfying nevertheless.  I would like to imagine a world where my two favorite things from any given genre/genus/what-have-you join forces in order to thoroughly please me at all times.  Luckily, I have really awesome interests so the idea of that happening is totally not as selfish as it sounds.  Peanut butter and waffles — anybody?  Pizza flavored doritos?  A baby hamster riding on the back of a pug?!  The possibilities are truly endless.  You’ll all benefit.

albinos in tanzania being hunted for their ‘magical’ powers

While I typically try to highlight absurdities from the lighter side of the internet, this article from The New York Times online almost knocked me out of my cushy chair.  Being albino must truly be a trial in and of itself, but in the sweltering African sun it seems a much crueler fate.  Though these days harmful UV rays are less of a concern in comparison to ”hunters” seeking body parts of albino Africans for their “magical” powers.  Witch doctors across Tanzania have dispatched human poachers to prey upon those not blessed with protective skin pigment.  The article is long, but very fascinating — if not completely upsetting.  The thought of this happening in the world is almost beyond my realm of understanding.  However, its not going to deter me from placing the toenails of American albinos into my wallet in hopes of untold riches!

bye bye, Niyazov!

A few years back I became heavily immersed in the culture of post-Soviet Russia and all of it’s former-Sovier border countries.  Perhaps my favorite was, and still is, Turkmenistan.  Not because of it’s rich centuries-old history or for it’s diverse ethnic population — but because it was ruled by self-proclaimed President for Life Saparmurat Niyazov.  Well, he died and the new guy is erasing all of the things that made me love Turkmenistan…(Ok, I didn’t love the fact that the people in the country were essentially destitute — but, it was so wacky!  At least it was entertaining pauperdom…to me…in America…on my work-provided lap top…in my air conditioned rental home.)

Examples:  He renamed the months of the year after people in his family and himself, He wrote a book of poetry and then declared that most other books be banned so that people would read his book,  He built a huuuuuge animatronic version of the book and placed it in the middle of the capital and everynight it would open and “read” a passage-for-the-day to his people….etc.

Anyway, he’s dead and to read about the changes taking placing go here.  For a trip down memory lane go here.  We will miss your brand of absurd dictatorship, Niyazov (or, I will…)!