I was propositioned by one Jessica Olsen to blog about men that I find to be “strangely hot”. She has probably already gone and posted something magnificent per usual, but I have been attempting to nap away an eye injury. Kids, it’s not wise to pluck your eyebrows in bed at midnight. That being said, I still have a few minutes left in this day and I’m going to supply you with a short and not entirely comprehensive list of men that I find to be hot despite the fact that they might look like trolls or vagrants:
Steve Buscemi: I don’t know what it is, but he seems smart, he’s very funny, and he can definitely nab your heart as the hopeless yet loveable loser.
Matt Berry: He’s British, he’s so funny that I sort of want to be him and, at the end of the day, I’d so go with him wherever and do whatever and maybe even not feel that bad about it.
Matt Bush: So, this kid is in a bunch of cell phone commercials and I used to get slightly made fun of for cheesily fawning over him. He’s totally 80s buddy comedy level attractive. He’s got to find a time machine and audition for the role of Stiles in ‘Teen Wolf’, seriously. Anyway, much to my surprise he played a jackass in ‘Adventureland’ which is set in the 80s and have I ever mentioned that I think I’d make a really good casting director? I have. Anyway, he’s like 15 years old, or at least he looks 15 and his voice shouldn’t make my panties want to fall off. Look at that haircut! What is wrong with me? I want it. I want it real bad. Awwoooooo! *surfs on roof of van*
Malcolm McDowell: So, I went ahead and found a picture that features young Malcom as well as current, elderly Malcolm. I want to stress though that as a young guy, he’s pretty cute — sure. Also, he’s most famous for playing assorted hellions, hedonists and rapists. But, I want to make it clear that I’d so actually do old Malcolm. He was a Star Trek villian. In fact, he killed Kirk. He’s British and there’s just this certainly level of eye-fuckery about him that makes you think, “Man, that old dude is kind of worth boning.” Engage!
Groucho Marx: I don’t even know if this is strange and then it worries me that I’m not sure if this is strange. I genuinely have lamented my station in life and would love to go back in time and carouse with Groucho and Charlie and then go home to my baby Buster. I like to laugh and I like grease paint facial hair!
Fred Ward: This isn’t even a stretch. This guy’s filmography alone puts me in the bone zone, but I implore you — if you haven’t seen ‘Henry & June’ netflix that shit and shut your door. If you have seen ‘Henry & June’ then you can never just see him as the dude in ‘Tremors’ again…
Woodrow Wilson: Ok, this is a leftover from my very early youth and that makes it even weirder. I think I just thought he looked kind of like an asshole and I guess I’ve always liked that. Also, look at that penmenship! That’s the handwriting of a man that knows how to please a woman! Take me now, you 28th president of the United States, you!
Klaus Nomi: Gay? Check. Crazy falsetto singing voice? Check. Gigantic, pointy tuxedo? Check. Strangely hot? You betcha!
PS: The documentary about him called ‘The Nomi Song’ is pretty amazing.
Anthony Bourdain: He drinks, he used to do drugs, he travels the world for money, he’s a writer, he’s a chef, and he’s a total, vulgar asshole. I love it. I would let him berate me as we ate raw baby seal in an Inuit village anyday!
