mervyn’s and the baby tigers

What is the best sentence I’ve read all year? This one:

“Federal authorities say the six Bengal tiger cubs found in a Mervyn’s parking lot were headed to Mexico.”

That comes from this article, which is a followup to this gem.

Also, this sentence is worth a giggle or two.

“‘We need to make sure that if I buy a tiger, I need to be responsible and not get the neighbors dog or child eaten,’”

Next time you decide to sell baby tigers on the black market to Mexican drug lords, make sure you aren’t doing it in the Mervyn’s parking lot. While it’s not illegal to own a tiger cub, it’s really fucking stupid. That is all.

albinos in tanzania being hunted for their ‘magical’ powers

While I typically try to highlight absurdities from the lighter side of the internet, this article from The New York Times online almost knocked me out of my cushy chair.  Being albino must truly be a trial in and of itself, but in the sweltering African sun it seems a much crueler fate.  Though these days harmful UV rays are less of a concern in comparison to ”hunters” seeking body parts of albino Africans for their “magical” powers.  Witch doctors across Tanzania have dispatched human poachers to prey upon those not blessed with protective skin pigment.  The article is long, but very fascinating — if not completely upsetting.  The thought of this happening in the world is almost beyond my realm of understanding.  However, its not going to deter me from placing the toenails of American albinos into my wallet in hopes of untold riches!

why not appoint the monkey god?

Sure!  Ok!  This article from CNN.com/Asia just blew my mind and delighted me in so many ways.  I must admit I wasn’t particularly familiar with the lore surrounding Hanuman, a very high profile Hindu diety, but now I must say he’s quickly trumping Ganesha as my fav. 

Apparently I’m not alone in my interest of Hanuman’s godly offerings as a business school in India has just named him the chairman of their institution.  He gets his own office, folks.  I guess if you lead a monkey army to defeat a demon king in order to save a princess, you too could be a worthy competitor in the asian business world.

when you wear an inappropriate t-shirt…

…it’s always best to consider that you may very well go missing in it.  This is what happened to one Vancouver woman that has not been seen since Monday.  While, I’m not taking this situation lightly, you’ll have to click HERE to read the utterly absurd and hilarious description of the clothes she was last seen wearing.  It’s definitely worth your time…

headlines

It’s been awhile, but some days are more plentiful than others when it comes to absurd, giggle-inducing news headlines.  The articles themselves are unimportant (or at least not nearly as entertaining).  I’m sheltering you, dear readers (all 3 of you…). 

“Georgia Church Tempts Worshippers With $500 Gas Raffle” via wsbtv.com

“‘Soulja Girl’ Arrested; Mom says she’s bi-polar” also via wsbtv.com

“Who’s texting your child?” via yahoonews.com

“Hillary Clinton: White People Support Me” via USA Today

from the “why is this only for dogs?” files

Beef-flavored beer.  No, it’s not just the greatest invention of all time/my Dad’s wildest dreams come true.  Instead, it’s a new beverage for your dog.  Some genius in Holland decided that the one thing missing from dogs’ lives was accountability for their actions and pot guts – so they invented beef-flavored doggy beer!  Ok, it is non-alcoholic, but it’s still a great way to fatten up your pet and it “encourages drinking”.  I wasn’t aware that dog’s really had a problem with that, but whatever helps them justify this is fine by me.  Enjoy reading It tastes of beef and it’s non-alcoholic, but this beer is strictly for the dogs.

when you’re feeling down…

Remember that the Pygmy Marmoset is frolicking somewhere in the world.  Look at that!  He looks like he’s guarding a tiny village with that stick.  A tiny village of adorable, pencil-sized primates!  Man, my day just got about one trillion times better.  Thank you for existing, lil friend!

obama-rama!

With the Superdelegates tied at 273 (thank you CNN morning news in the airport!), it’s looking more and more likely that that dashing gent they call Barack Obama might just be our next great hope.  But with all the hub-bub surrounding the bid for the democratic nomination, little has been said about who will be standing beside B.O. (eww)once it becomes a bi-partisan pony race.  The Times Online has an interesting numbered list offering a glimpse at the top contenders for The Big O’s VP.  While there are some familiar faces, there is also a wild card or two that would definitely make for an interesting, if not totally annoying, presidential campaign.  Give it a look HERE!  NOW!  GO!

bye bye, Niyazov!

A few years back I became heavily immersed in the culture of post-Soviet Russia and all of it’s former-Sovier border countries.  Perhaps my favorite was, and still is, Turkmenistan.  Not because of it’s rich centuries-old history or for it’s diverse ethnic population — but because it was ruled by self-proclaimed President for Life Saparmurat Niyazov.  Well, he died and the new guy is erasing all of the things that made me love Turkmenistan…(Ok, I didn’t love the fact that the people in the country were essentially destitute — but, it was so wacky!  At least it was entertaining pauperdom…to me…in America…on my work-provided lap top…in my air conditioned rental home.)

Examples:  He renamed the months of the year after people in his family and himself, He wrote a book of poetry and then declared that most other books be banned so that people would read his book,  He built a huuuuuge animatronic version of the book and placed it in the middle of the capital and everynight it would open and “read” a passage-for-the-day to his people….etc.

Anyway, he’s dead and to read about the changes taking placing go here.  For a trip down memory lane go here.  We will miss your brand of absurd dictatorship, Niyazov (or, I will…)!

rocky the robo-squirrel

There is nothing I love more than the image of a robotic squirrel positioned just so in front of a sign that reads:  “Squirrel Data Sheets” in the handwriting of a 6th grade class presidential candidate. 

Well, maybe that’s a lie, because I certainly am fond of the idea of robotic animals created to live amongst their animal peers in the name of science!  Because this is what “Rocky” (yes, named after the cartoon…)does.  Rocky goes out and frolics with regular, flesh-n-blood squirrels as a means of collecting accurate data about — wait for it — squirrels.

He’s even programmed to make squirrel noises so that he fully blends in.  I’m also going to assume that they douse him in squirrel urine and squirrel sex gland excretions for, ya know, authenticity.  Rocky is kind of like the squirrel version of Serpico or something.  I don’t know …I never actually saw the movie but I’m going to say he’s exactly like Serpico.

via Gizmodo